I Had That Same Dream Again Read online

  Chapter 1

  “SENSEI, MY HEAD FEELS WEIRD. Can I skip P.E. today?” I asked, diligently raising my little elementary-schooler hand.

  And yet, not only was I ordered to the faculty room after school, I was still made to run in the yard. I, Koyanagi Nanoka, could not accept this. I was certain I’d been called to the faculty room to be reprimanded, but I faced down my teacher without shame.

  “So,” I said. “I think you assumed I was just playing around earlier, asking to be let out of P.E., but I’ve made my own calculations and I’m pretty confident about this.”

  “And just what do you mean by that? Confident about what?” Hitomi-sensei asked warmly from the chair across from me. Her eyes were locked with mine and her arms folded.

  My short arms folded with equal resolve. “There was a show on television last night,” I told her. “Where a bunch of people were giving their opinions about an incident somewhere. There was an important-seeming person, who said that the Japanese don’t like people who are weird in the head, so they run away from them. When I asked my mother who that person was, she said they were a university professor. If a university professor says so, then an elementary-schooler should accept it’s true. High school is below university, and junior high is below high school, and elementary school is below them all.”

  My chest swelled with pride as I presented my thesis, expecting my teacher to be impressed. Instead, she looked a bit troubled, and breathed a deeper sigh than usual.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked.

  “Well, Koyanagi-san, I do think it’s wonderful that you were able to think up such a thing and express it so clearly—it means that you are very smart.”

  “I think so, too.”

  “It’s also wonderful that you have such confidence. However, I have a few pieces of advice, if you would like that brilliance of yours to blossom. Will you listen?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  Hitomi-sensei grinned and held up her index finger. “Okay. First, while it’s important to try things out once you think of them, it’s equally important to take a few moments to think about it before you do. Do you understand?”

  I nodded my head up and down. Hitomi-sensei held up her middle finger beside the first.

  “Second, running away from the things that frighten us isn’t always a good thing. There are times when it’s okay to run away, but exercise is important for your health, and you’re already starting to sprint more quickly than you could before, aren’t you?”

  She was right, I had been able to sprint a bit more quickly today than before, but my legs were exhausted now. Could this really be good for my health?

  She held up her ring finger.

  “And third, I don’t think what that professor said is accurate. The things that people say on TV are not necessarily always correct. You need to decide for yourself whether what you hear is true.”

  “In that case, Sensei…”

  “Yes?”

  “That also means that I have no idea whether what you’re saying is correct either, doesn’t it?”

  She gave me a warm look. “That’s right. And that is why you have to think. That said, please at least believe this: From the bottom of my heart, I wish for nothing more than your happiness, and to see you get along with others. Do you understand?”

  She gave me a serious look, which I had seen many times before. I liked this expression on her. Compared to the other teachers, I felt like her face rarely lied.

  I thought long and hard about what she had just said, and after careful consideration, I answered with a polite nod. “I understand. I believe you more than that professor.”

  “Good. In that case, from now on, before you decide to try something out in class, come discuss it with me first.”

  “Only if I think that’s the correct thing to do.”

  “Yes, that’s fine.”

  She smiled earnestly and patted me on the head. Seeing that face, I was certain that she truly did wish for my happiness. At the same time, I wondered…

  “What does ‘happiness’ mean, according to you, Hitomi-sensei?”

  “Hmm, it can mean a lot of things, but… Well, okay. I’ll go ahead and tell you now. Starting in tomorrow’s language arts class, we’re going to be thinking about what it means to be ‘happy.’”

  “What? That sounds really hard.”

  “Yes, it’s incredibly hard, but you and I and everyone else will all be thinking about what happiness means to us, personally. So try thinking about what happiness looks like to you, Koyanagi-san.”

  “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

  “Very good. Keep this a secret from everyone else, okay?”

  She put her finger to her lips and gave me a clumsy wink. Then, she took a piece of chocolate from Shintarou-sensei’s desk, beside her.

  “The first part of my happiness is sweets,” she said.

  “That might make me happy, too.” I looked at Shintarou-sensei.

  “Don’t tell anyone about this,” he said with a clumsy wink of his own. He handed me a piece of chocolate.

  “I’ll see you later then, Sensei,” I said, waving from the doorway of the faculty room.

  “Take care, then. Come to think of it, who do you usually go home with?”

  “I may be a child, but I can at least make it back home on my own.”

  “That’s true. I held you back today, but starting tomorrow, why don’t you try going home with everyone else? It will be fun.”

  “I’ll think about it. But you know, Sensei…” I put the piece of chocolate in my mouth. “Life is like a wonderful movie.”

  Hitomi-sensei tilted her head slightly, amused. I often said those sorts of things to her, but she always took the time to consider them. However, her conclusions were usually off the mark.

  “Hmm, does that mean you’re the main character?”

  “Nope.”

  “Really? Okay, I give up. What does it mean?”

  “It means that as long as you have candy, you can enjoy it even if you’re alone.”

  Hitomi-sensei made the same troubled face as always, and I turned my back on her, hurrying home from my dreary elementary school.

  There was no one home, so after putting my backpack in my room, I decided to head right back out. I made sure to lock the apartment, then took the elevator from the eleventh floor down to the first, waited for the automatic doors to open, and headed outside.

  As I walked through the glass doors, I saw a friend walking nearby. She always took the opportunity to loiter around our building about the time I headed home from school. Our building was a great deal larger than the surrounding structures, so it was easy enough to find, even for her.

  I offered her a greeting.

  “Salutations!”

  Although she knew I was there, she made a face as though she had just noticed me.

  “Meow!”

  “You’ll never become an actress with that kind of blatant performance.”

  “Meow.”

  As always, she walked in exactly the direction I was intending, her cropped tail bobbing to-and-fro. Even my tiny footsteps outpaced her, and I was quickly able to catch up. I gave a haughty laugh, gloating over my victory, and she whipped her head away. Honestly, what a charmless girl.

  As we walked toward our destination, I told my little friend about what had happened today. “It was really ridiculous!”

  “Meow.”

  “There are some serious incompatibilities in different people’s ways of thinking. Is it the same in the cat world?”

  “Meow.”

  “That’s true. It’s difficult for different creatures to fully understand each other.”

  “Meow,
” she said again, disinterested.

  She never seemed very engaged with what I had to say. My daily worries probably had no relevance to a cat, but it was a bit rude.

  Still, there was nothing I could do about it, so I decided to sing a song. Something that she could enjoy as well. The only two things that drew the attention of my cheeky little friend were milk and the sound of my song. What a luxurious life she led.

  I began to sing my favorite tune. “Happiness won’t cooome wandering my way sooo…”

  “Meow meow!”

  “Thaaaaat’s why I set ouuut to find it todaaay!”

  Although she pretended not to be interested, the tone of her meowing was more inflected than usual. She had such a lovely singing voice. Although she was never forthcoming, I’m sure she had all the boy cats flocking to her with a beautiful voice like that.

  As the two of us walked along the quiet road, singing together, the path dead-ended at the banks of a wide river. We climbed the stairs up the embankment. There were no large buildings around, and the wind was forceful. It felt wonderful blowing through my hair. The next town over sat on the opposite bank, and I smelled something slightly foreign.

  This embankment was a popular place for children to play, but I had no interest in that. Miss Bobtail showed some interest in a ball rolling along the embankment, but there was no ball that interested her more than a bowl of cream.

  We continued along the path beside the river, singing. As we walked, we greeted those we passed. We walked by the old man sitting on some cardboard, and an old woman whom we saw often down at the shopping arcade gave me candy. Eventually, our destination came into view: a cream-colored two-story apartment building. It sat in front of us like a large square buttercream cake. We descended the stairs down from the embankment and approached it.

  We trotted into the apartment, Miss Bobtail being careful not to make too much noise. Climbing the stairs a step ahead of me, she mewled at the apartment door at the end of the second floor. I had told her to be quiet, but she was often quick to forget things like that. She was not as clever as me.

  I strode elegantly up to the door and pushed the button that Miss Bobtail was not tall enough to reach. A few seconds later, I heard the doorbell ringing within. Before I could even spot the ant crawling over my foot, the door opened.

  Inside stood a lovely young woman wearing a T-shirt and long trousers, as she always did. Her hair was a bit more unkempt, and she seemed more tired than usual.

  “Hello!” I said.

  “Hello there. You’re in good spirits today, little miss.”

  “Yes, I’m doing well. Are you not feeling well today, Skank-san?”

  “No, I’m fine. I just only woke up.”

  “But it’s already after three o’clock!”

  “There are some people for whom three o’clock is the morning. I’m one of them.”

  “Are there others?”

  “Americans, anyway.”

  I began to giggle at the absurdity of her casual reply. Perhaps following my lead, she began to laugh too, scratching at her neck.

  “C’mon in,” she said. “I’m sure Miss Kitty is hungry, too.”

  I shed my shoes and entered Skank-san’s home, but Miss Bobtail lingered outside. What a wicked girl she was, to only behave herself at a time like this.

  Skank-san poured some milk into an old dish and took it outside to offer it to my friend, then shut the door and handed me a bottle of Yakult. I sipped the drink, and watched as Skank-san fixed her bedhead.

  I usually came here to play on school days. Skank-san was an adult, which meant she was busy, and there were plenty of times that she was not here when I arrived. But when she was here, she always gave me a Yakult, and sometimes some ice cream. Miss Bobtail knew of Skank-san’s kindness as well, and so always followed me, looking forward to her saucer of milk.

  Skank-san opened the window and took a sandwich from the fridge, then sat down upon her unmade bed. I took a place at the round table in the center of the room, savoring my Yakult.

  “So how was school today, little miss?”

  The light from the window shone through her long hair as she munched her egg sandwich, giving her an angelic glow. I explained to Skank-san what I had told to Miss Bobtail earlier. She listened, nodding along silently, until I said “I had a good idea, but nothing to back it up with.”

  She laughed loudly. “I’m sure no one thinks that you’re crazy.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because you’re smart. When you’re smart, even if you act a little strange, people just assume you’re thinking about something. That’s why you were called to the faculty room, right?”

  “That’s true. In that case, next time I’ll try to make an even stranger face.”

  I stuck out my tongue and she laughed loudly again.

  “Sounds like you have a good teacher.”

  “That’s true, she’s a really good teacher. Even if she’s kind of off the mark sometimes.”

  “All adults tend to be off the mark,” she said, standing to take a can out from the fridge.

  “Is that sweet?” I asked.

  “It’s sweet, but bitter, too.”

  “But why would you wanna drink something that’s bitter? You drink coffee too, don’t you? That’s even more bitter. Are you punishing yourself?”

  “No, I’m drinking it because I like it. I drink both alcohol and coffee. I didn’t drink coffee when I was a child, though. Adults are the only ones who enjoy bitter things.”

  “I see. Then I wonder if I’ll think bitter things are tasty someday, too.”

  “You just might. But, there’s no reason to force yourself to drink them. I think it’s wonderful to only be able to enjoy sweet things,” she said with a glimmering smile.

  There was a wonderful smell around her. Not like perfume, and not like other adults. When I told her that once, she laughed and said: “That’s because I’m not a proper adult.”

  If that was true, then I never wanted to be a proper adult, either.

  “Life is like a crème brûlée,” I said.

  “How do you mean?”

  “The sweet parts are the only good parts, but there are people who enjoy the bitter parts, too.”

  “Aha ha, that’s very true.” Skank-san gulped her drink with a smile. “You really are smart, little lady.”

  I was thrilled to hear such praise.

  “Skank-san, has anything interesting happened at your work?”

  “There’s nothing interesting at my work.”

  “Really? But my mother and father love their jobs. They’re never at home.”

  “Just because they’re always working doesn’t mean their jobs are fun, though it is wonderful if they do something interesting.”

  “I’m sure it’s fun for them. Even more fun than playing with me.”

  “If you’re lonely, then you should speak up and tell them.”

  I shook my head. “That’s not a very clever thing to say.” Then I asked something that had been bothering me. “If you don’t like your job, then does that mean you aren’t happy?”

  She did not answer. Instead, she laughed thinly. “I think what makes me happiest right now is seeing you.”

  I was thrilled about that. It wasn’t the sort of lie that adults told to disguise the truth.

  “Happiness won’t cooome wandering my way sooo, thaaat’s why I set ooout to find it todaaay!”

  “I love that song, too. ‘Take one step a day and you’ll keep going on your way!’”

  “It’s three steps forwaaard, and two steps back!” we sang together.

  “I’m supposed to be thinking about what happiness is,” I told her. “We’ll be talking about it in class.”

  “Huh, we did something like that when I was little, too. That really takes me back. What do you think happiness is for you, little miss?”

  “I still don’t know. I’ve just started thinking about it.”

  “That’s a d
ifficult problem. How about some ice cream, to give you just a little hint?”

  “I’ll have some!”

  We played a game of Othello together, as we always did—each of us munching on a soda-flavored ice lolly. Skank-san had owned the Othello set since childhood. My father had bought me a set too, but there was no one at home for me to play with. Still, it comforted me to know that when Skank-san stopped by my house, we would be able to play there, too. As to which of us was the stronger player, well, one day I would be able to show her it was me.

  When I finally took a victory, after she had already won twice, she looked to the clock on the wall.

  “Oh, it’s already four o’clock.”

  As I thought about how quickly the time had passed, we cleaned up the Othello set.

  “Thank you for the Yakult and the ice cream, Skank-san.”

  “No, thank you for coming.”

  I always left Skank-san’s home around four. I would have loved to stay longer, to talk and play some more Othello, but I had other destinations to visit.

  I donned my pink shoes, which fitted my little feet perfectly, gave my thanks again to Skank-san, and opened the door. Outside, the Miss Bobtail sat politely, having finished her milk. Skank-san picked up the empty dish.

  “I’ll see you next time,” I said.

  “Of course, come by anytime you like,” she replied.

  “What are your plans for the rest of the day, Skank-san?”

  “I think I might sleep a bit. To get ready for work.”

  “Good luck with your work. Take care of yourself.”

  “Will do. And good luck with finding your happiness. If you find it along your walk, make sure you come back and tell me.”

  “Okay. Good night, then.”

  Skank-san waved, and I shut the door. She had a strange job, one that started after I went to bed and finished before I woke up. I did not know the details, but I could not work like she did, staying up all night and sleeping all day, so for that alone she had my utmost respect.

  I thought about her job as Miss Bobtail and I descended the stairs. In the past, when I’d asked about her job, she laughed and said: “I attend a midnight court.”

  I was sure that must be the most wonderful job.

  It had been on a cold and rainy day some time ago that I’d first met Bobtail and Skank-san. I’d donned my cute pink boots, brought out my pretty red umbrella, and been walking along the embankment in my fluttering yellow poncho, chasing a little frog. The little green frog was so pretty, and it quite dutifully made its way down the middle of the sidewalk, so I could keep following.